If only
by YinYangWhiteTiger
Summary: If Only... There so many things of "if" it hurts to think... You... well you... shouldn't be "if Only..." type things. Sometimes I despise it but i don't regret my answer... and i see you don't either :PostAC::One-shot::Songfic?:


**AN: I was watching the FFVII (the original game) Music video with this song… and made me think of this…**** I really wanted to be my fav crack pairings D; but EPIC FAIL FOR ME! But the story is alright-ish?**

_And the hardest part  
Was letting go, not taking part  
Was the hardest part  
_

It was a normal day, like any other. Tifa was out going shopping, Merlene and Danzel were playing outside with their friends and he… well he was taking over the bar while everybody was out. His face was that of how it always was… a firm look, it wasn't in a frown like in the past but it wasn't smile for simply there was no reason too. As he cleaned the newest empty table, the door bell ringed as entered no other than the Turks.

_And the strangest thing  
was waiting for that bell to ring  
It was the strangest start_

He looked at them with contempt, but did nothing as he moved away to go back behind the counter and make another Cocktail for the guy sitting be the far right of the counter. The Turks were in three; Reno, Rude and Elena. It was normal to see them here (and were only allowed in since they started to 'Protect' the Edge and everybody else) but that didn't stop Cloud from despising them, no… they may had help but they could never get rid of their sins in his eyes.

_I could feel it go down  
It is sweet I could taste in my mouth  
Silver lining the clouds  
Oh and I...  
I wish that I could work it out_

He finally turned his head to them while walking towards them asking what they wanted and of course… it was always the same; Beers and Martinis. He went back and returned with their drinks and a couple of chips. He didn't and wouldn't talk to them willingly, he absolutely despise them as much as all the AVALANCH… their was much forgiveness in their heart but they tried to ignore the part that wanted them dead.

While behind the counter, he saw them talking like usual and once in a while the blond and red head argued. He frowned as he looked at them… oh if only… he shook his head, he couldn't…

_And the hardest part  
Was letting go, not taking part  
You really broke my heart, oh..._

After 2 hours Danzel and Merlene came in and ran upstairs but not before telling Cloud what had happen (since the bar wasn't too full). With the corner of his eye, he saw Elena turn her head and looked at him in a sad way or should he say at them before she looked down on her lap and before a second could past Reno said something and they started another argument. The blond finally got tired and 'tried' to hit the red head, while the black man shook his head in embarrassment.

_And I tried to sing  
But I couldn't think of anything  
That was the hardest part, oh... oh...  
_

While again behind the counter, more customers came through… now smoke and music filled the room… women and men drowning their sorrows exactly at 6 o'clock while Tifa came 5 minutes later as he known she would and started to work and moved him aside. He was finally on his break and thought of going out… he was use to the smoke but that didn't stop it from being sufficient(sp?). He began to sit on a chair beside a random table… it was only a couple tables away from the Turks's table. He look at them and of course they ignored, didn't notice or care about it. After a while… once again, the blond Turk turned to him… their eyes met… they spoke words he didn't seem to understand almost like an understanding or a regret….

_I could feel it go down  
You left the sweetest taste in my mouth  
Your silver lining the clouds  
Oh and I...  
_

It was bullshit! He thought as he got up and walked away to outside the bar. Right beside and below the stairs stood his Motorcycle… He sighed and began to move towards it and once on he began to drive away, passing the house and people alike… The rush of driving this thing was his only freedom.. he had forgiven himself but his burdens would never leave him.

_In the forgotten city… Aeris on her knees praying__, he ran, but then stopped Sephiroth was coming down and all she was doing was smiling at him before-shack-the Masume went inside of Aeris and there like slow motion she fell on the floor… covered in blood… the Metaria fell into the river and all Cloud could see was Her dead on the floor._

_Every part of him felt empty… he want to cry but… he couldn't find tears… he wanted to scream but what could it do? He'd lost…_

-

_In the Truck, Zack was smiling and saying so many things but he couldn't move… and before they knew it they were ambushed… he couldn't see well but then suddenly a ground floor was felt upon his back as somebody said "You know what we want… goodbye buddy!" Then without notice bullets were shot and only minutes later Cloud could find the power to move only to see Zack covered in blood and smiling sadly at him, Cloud was in tears as he laid his head on his friend chest… and finally… the Bustered sword._

_-_

_A young boy with spiky hair stood in the snow as the snowflakes dropped from the sky, the kids laughed and played but the yellow coated boy only watched as they ignored him. In his hands was a small Snowman plush doll. The blue eye boy was in near tears… as they laughted at him for not having a father._

He'd finally stopped and once again, in the destroyed city of Midgar, in the sector 5 slums… he was at Aeris Church.He put his Motocycle gentle on stand-on, as he got off and walked calmly into Aeris church (accidentally) and open the door. When he opened it he saw an unexpected person, in a black suit and with black long hair. Cloud walked forward and being blunt while quiet he said "What are you doing here?" with his sword at home, he couldn't fight even if he wanted to… he wasn't a good melee fighter.

_Oh and I...  
I wonder what it's all about_

Tseng sighed but didn't turned his head as he said in his all-so-formal voice "To bring my respects…" Cloud growled and asked "And why would you need to give her your respect… you killed her Boyfriend and my best friend." Tseng sigh again shaking his head as-if he were with children and said "Well… I knew her better than Zack… I think I have a right to say my goodbyes, no?" Cloud turned his head towards the flower at the right and didn't respond.

They stood in silence… as they prayed silently to her and before he knew it, Tseng walked away without a word but before he closed the door Cloud asked "Did she ever love you?" Tseng smirked and gave a small chuckle while saying as he closed the door "What is it to you?"

With door closing… Cloud looked at the sky, wondering if she could still hear him.

_I wonder what it's all about_

Finally returning home or known as 7th Heaven, which was still open and almost booming noise from inside out, Cloud stopped in his tracks as he saw the blond Turk smoking on the stairways… she flinched the ashes to the ground and her face was that of an angry indifference. She didn't notice him, he could tell… she was in her own world.

_Everything I know is wrong_

As he walked up the stairs…. Elena said "It must sucks being you…" Cloud stopped in his tracks with his hand standing still as it was suppose to turn the knob. Then he turned to her slowly and looked at her curiously and couldn't help but listen… "AH! It's soo annoying… knowing that I'll never have children like my sister (another thing she beats me at)… and Tseng finally getting married… what Turk gets married?! We're all going to die sooner or later" she said as she put her head on her hand with cigarette as she look like she was about to lose balance and close to crying.

_Everything I do, it just comes undone_

'She's Drunk' though Cloud as he frowned at her… none other than pure pity, but nothing else… he despised her anyway, so without second thought he went inside, into the crowded bar… The two Turks were still there, Reno like always dancing with the girls while expectedly but unexpectedly Rude sat there on his table… with a look of regret.

_And everything is torn apart_

Becoming indifferent and annoyed Cloud walked to the counter were three girls were working full time and Tifa barking out orders right and left. Finally Tifa notice him and smile while she moved to him and gave him a loving kiss before going back and said calmly "We have a lot of work… so don't start lacking now, Cloud…".

_Oh and it's the hardest part_

The night passed… people finally went away and it was nearly 3… But Cloud wasn't tired as Tifa was as she went upstairs to sleep. Cloud sat on one of the chairs… he didn't notice but it was the same chair as before… He turned his head to the table the Turks sat in and remembered how they talked among themselves. Blinking he finally realized something… so he got up and open the door to see no other than Elena standing beside the door, looking more somber and turned to him "I know this corny… but Cloud, I'm sorry… can you just let go?"

_That's the hardest part_

He looked at her with a blank face as he said in return "Can you have a child?" Silence came like a sting, he wanted to his himself for being so low but not only looking slightly insulted but surprised "How do you know… that I...-." He cut in "You're the one who told me or at lest in a outer voice." Elena looked up and her blue eyes look like the were in any second flow in tears but then she shook her head and said in a shake but (or at lest tried) in a calm voice "I know… I talk to much but since we're here… wanttocometoTseng'sweddinganddoyou/couldyouloveme?"

_Yeah that's the hardest part_

Cloud blink as he barely caught every word "Yeah… and no… that's-… that's not even possible to think!" She turned her eyes away and said "Well… then I'll see you at Tseng's wedding." As she stumbled away back home.

_That's the hardest part_

It was a normal week and the Turks hadn't shown themselves for the whole week… the like every other day but in the early morning the Turks came in… just the three of them, Tifa walked over to them and they ordered like the usual… But something caught his eyes once again of the Blond Turk… she looked at him and smiled but before he knew it she turned towards Reno and something sarcastic…

Oh… If only…

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**AN: hey… I'm not sure if there still any fans for this ElenaXCloud… but it would be epic ;D it needs more fans… "The Sweetest Downfall" is the best fic for you lovers out there of this pairing**

**I really made it one-sided D;**


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